i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
