I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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