Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
