Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
