Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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