I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
