in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
