Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
