if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
