I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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