I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
