stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
