apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
