Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
