I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
