he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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