Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
