i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
