If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize