Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
