So drunk its hurt
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
