After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
