I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
