That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
