Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
