He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
