What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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