I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
