Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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