Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
