sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
