kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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