quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
