After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
