if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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