Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
