does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
