Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
