I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
