so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
