it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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