I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
