I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
