I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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