He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The uberlube is also flammable
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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