i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
