I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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