ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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