Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
