dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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