Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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