went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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