I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
