Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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