yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
