its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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