update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
