I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
