I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
