i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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