ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Tell her she can't have a vagina
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
