Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
