i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
