so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
