trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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