Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
