Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
