shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
