I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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