dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
