Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
