Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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