I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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