Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
